Since lemon print fabrics graced the catwalk years ago, I searched high and low for similar prints to the point of exhaustion and simply gave up. Sometime last year, while fabric shopping for my graduation dress, when I least expected it, I stumbled upon meters of lemon print fabric!
Using my TNT bodice pattern, I made a summer dress with an A-line skirt and a ruffled hem. I gave the bodice a haute couture treatment: interlined with habotai silk, and the dress is lined with rayon which is handsewn to the shell fabric. The zipper was hand-sewn, too, as I prefer that vintage feel.
The print is bright and has a happy feel to it, something that I was lacking at the time I bought the fabric. I was stuck in a toxic relationship with Mr. Long Legs. Although I broke up with him one fine Christmas morning, he couldn't let go. Messages kept pouring in and, from what psychologists would say, displayed some "repair attempts." I simply acknowledged these repair attempts and continued with the relationship as if we didn't break up. Early on in our dating/courtship phase, Mr. Long Legs liked the facade of the relationship: always out and about, taking pictures and sharing on social media, while I tried to hold back, trying to know and understand him better and looked for the ways on building a rapport - - it is a relationship after all. When the pandemic hit us, since there was very little to no rapport established, we both failed to help each other cope. He felt unloved, while I felt alone.
Whilst in the repair phase of our relationship, I realized that he's an anxious type of partner; hence, the abandonment issues and demands for more time together, while I am an avoidant-dismissive type. Although there are many ways to build a healthier bond, he isn't offering a higher level of commitment. He will love me whilst keeping a foot outside the door and he needs me to do the same which I am incapable of doing. And whatever emotional trauma/s he's carrying is not my burden to bear nor my responsibility to fix or heal it for him. The pressure/expectation to conform was too overwhelming. And just like any avoidant partner, I distanced myself, set some personal goals, and chased it. I can lose him, but I cannot lose myself.
If I break up with him again, then we would be stuck in the vicious cycle of toxicity, so I decided to stay and gave him the luxury of pulling the plug. I accepted the pain from lies, cheating, and deceit while I remained loyal and focused on achieving the goals I set for myself. (I do not recommend this to anyone, so if you are in a toxic relationship, please ask for help).
He pulled the plug.
Finally, freedom.
The fabric was turned into a dress as I come full circle, with some lessons learned and a brighter outlook.
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